A Dissertation on Human Folly by Hermione Granger
by applythepressure
Summary: Hermione is drafted into doing a stream-of-consciousness monologue in which she talks about her views on different topics from love to school. But there's a twist to Hermione's bitterness...
1. Section 1

A Dissertation on Human Folly by Hermione Granger

Disclaimer: People, if I owned Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy would be chained to my bed indefinitely. And, quite frankly, that is all the imagery you need to know.

Author's Note: For some sick, perverted love-of-English reason, I love stream-of-consciousness monologues and since Hermione as we know is an extremely smart girl, she would perfect for this kind of stuff. Most of her views probably will correspond with my own views – she is a persona for me – especially the ones on love and relationships. This is just a good way for me to vent and get my views out there. If you don't agree with me/Hermione, that's cool, just don't bash my/her views. Enjoy!

**Section 1: Introduction to Hermione Granger, Her Real Self**

I'm a complete and utter idiot.

Who knows why I even agreed to do this stupid dissertation? Oh, because I'm a nerd, got it.

It's Hermione Granger, Hogwarts student, Muggle-born witch, and nerd extraordinaire, pleased to make your acquaintance. If you're not pleased to make mine, well, then I really don't care.

Apparently, this is where I tell you all my views on life, love, school, men, whatever. This is where you're supposed to see my sarcastic, bitter side, the side of me who hates the life I have and the challenges I face. I hope I live up to your expectations. Wait, I lied. I really don't care one way or the other if I live up to your expectations. It's not my job to do that, even though that is a very common misconception people have about me. Like I said, it's easier to keep up that façade than to actually show the more personal, deeper side of myself.

Now, you're probably wondering since when did Hermione Granger get so sarcastic and nonchalant about people's opinions. I really couldn't tell you. I guess I finally realized after first year that it was a waste of my energy to care about and agonize over what other people thought. Now, I'm not saying that insults and sneers rolled off my back like water, I just learned to shut my mind and utilize that negative energy in a productive way. Many assignments were fueled by my anger and sadness, but hey, they did earn top marks all the time.

This is where you are going to learn about the real me. I'm a harsh, battle-weary girl who is trying to find her place in the world. I hate opening myself up like this – it makes me feel vulnerable. You only see a certain side of me in the books, in the movies, in other fan-fictions. I take great care to show only that side. It's easier, hiding than trusting. Opening yourself up only gives other opportunities to hurt and betray you, then you retreat deeper and don't come out as easily, and once you come out again and do the same thing, someone hurts you again, and then you retreat again, and the process continues and continues until you're so afraid of everyone and everything in the world that you can't bear it and you think you're going insane. I hate that feeling – thinking you may be losing your mind and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do about it. But I see I'm getting ahead of myself.

This is the real me. Take it or leave it. Like before, I don't care. You can accept me or reject me and I don't care one damn bit either way. It's your choice.

The name's Hermione Granger.

And I'm going insane.

PS- What do you guys think? Kinda OOC for Hermione, but there is a cutting edginess to her. Let's see her descent into madness. Reviews welcome.


	2. Section 2a

A Dissertation on Human Folly by Hermione Granger

Disclaimer: I **do** own Harry Potter. Really. No joke….Too bad reverse psychology doesn't work. Damn. Ok, ok, you caught me. I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's Note: Hope y'all are liking this new side to Hermione. Enjoy the new installment! By the way, calling love a wonderful/devastating feeling is how I describe it since I am dealing with it right now. Just a tidbit about me.

**Section 2a: Love, That Wonderful/Devastating Feeling**

Love.

That stupid word.

We use it too much. "I love ice cream. I love her skirt." SHUT UP! No, you don't!

It really pisses me off that people use the word "love" with just about anything. All the different types and feelings of love are lumped in one four-lettered word that has so many definitions and connotations for different people. It's too vague for a feeling as powerful as it is.

People don't know what real love is anymore. Notice I didn't say "true love." Another cliché I absolutely hate. Fairy tales don't exist, people. They don't happen in reality. You can't have true love for the boyfriend you have been going out with for two months. I hate it when couples say "I love you" to each other when they just got together, like, a day ago. No, you don't! You can't love someone if you don't know them, and when I say that, I mean really know them. Not birthday date and favorite ice cream. You know their emotions, their views on the world, past experiences, etc. Only when you have the communication and trust for this type of knowledge, only then can you be capable of loving the person. If not, you only like them or care for them – you cannot deeply and completely love them.

For me, well, I have three criteria to meet before I know that I really love someone. I know this might sound stiff and if you don't like that I am putting "restrictions" so to speak on love, fine. Like I said before, I don't care what you think of me. Going on, my three criteria are:

1. They make you happy. Not a fleeting happy and of course, they will make you mad and sad on occasion. However, they give you a deep, calm happiness, a safeness. You get excited just to see them or talk over the phone. They make you smile no matter what goofy thing they're doing. Thinking about them makes you get a silly smile on your face. Your eyes light up when their name is mentioned.

2. You trust them with your life. You can tell them anything, no matter how embarrassing, personal, frightening, uncomfortable, or traumatic it is. And they can do the same with you. There is nothing that you keep from them. If your life was on the line, you would be completely comfortable putting your wellbeing into their hands.

3. You would die for them. And yes, I mean this literally. If a speeding bullet was aimed at them, you would step in the way and take the hit. You place their own life above yours.

Now, you may be saying that this is a pretty tall order for loving someone. Wake up and smell the coffee, sunshine – love itself is a tall order. Love is not something trivial, something you can just throw around, something you can give and take back instantly. When you love someone, that feeling – that wonderful/devastating feeling – is so powerful that it continues to surprise you. The sheer magnitude of it, the weight of it, the realization that "I give my all to this person" can be oppressing. And you don't give a damn if it is.

Another thing about love which makes it so wonderful/devastating is that you make yourself vulnerable in the worst way possible. Many people have trust issues these days and frankly, I am not surprised about it. Many people don't open themselves up for fear they will get hurt if they do – it is a natural thing, to protect oneself from stress and injury, be it physical or mental or emotional. When you love someone, you open yourself up to them. You willingly make yourself vulnerable to them. They become a weakness to you. They know how to kill you. If they do hurt you, it will contain so much more pain and anguish. This aspect of love is like going up to an enemy soldier armed with a machine gun, taking off your armor, standing there with your arms spread wide, and vocally inviting him to shoot you. Perhaps a morbid image, but it fits nonetheless. That person which you love, that you have given your all to, becomes that enemy soldier, armed with exactly all the right things to say and to do to rip your heart out and stomp on it. However, you trust that they will not use what you have given them against you. That is the ultimate trust.

Love.

Such a wonderful/devastating feeling.

Author's PS- Reviews welcome!


	3. Section 2b

A Dissertation on Human Folly by Hermione Granger

Disclaimer: Even though I/Hermione took a very long time to update my/her dissertation, we were not trying to steal Harry Potter from J.K. Rowling or WB. Sorry to disappoint you.

Author's Note: Hermione's back. And guess what she is going to rant about now? Read on to find out. Thank you to Draco-Fan2837501 for the review!

**Section 2b: When Loves Fades Away**

Love.

It is still lurking around here. Perhaps that is a good thing because I'm not done with it.

Another thing about love is that it can go away just as easily as it first came into your life. You think that you will always love someone because your feelings are just so strong and you are so used to that intense passion that you cannot imagine a life without feeling that way. You think that the person you love will never be replaced because you will never want anyone else. But then, something happens. That person hurts you so bad there is just no way you can forgive him or her. You become separated due to a move, job schedules, or going off to different colleges. You have work, other friends, family, and vacations. You don't talk as much. You don't get as excited when you do talk. Hanging out is not the exciting adventure it was before. Contact dwindles and dwindles until poof, it is gone or barely there. You move on with your life; those feelings you thought were never going to fade are actually gone, dead, not there. You see him or her and nothing, no reaction, no feeling your heart melt, no rush – just nothing. He or she is now just a friend or not even that. It is like you never had those feelings in the first place and you get confused when you think about the time you did love them. You cannot relate to yourself because you were such a different person then; it is like you are totally detached from yourself like an out of body experience. You don't feel like you were actually the person thinking and doing all these crazy things. Was it just a dream? It seems like it.

It is the weirdest feeling to fall out of love. Falling in love is beautiful, so fast, and exhilarating. You feel like you can do anything because you love someone. Though it hurts if your love is unrequited, you are still in an altered state of existence. You giggle when he or she cracks a joke and feel your heart speeding when he or she walks by. You put him or her at the pinnacle of your life and heart. Falling out of love is not nearly as obvious. It is more like one day you wake up and think of that person and just nothing comes. You feel nothing, not even hate, just cold indifference. You don't overly care about them anymore. No romantic fantasies. No dream dates. No wishes for you two to become sweethearts. No marriage and kids and happily ever after. They fade into the hectic schedule and background of your life and you did not even know they were fading.

When you fall out of love, suddenly all that person's flaws hit you like a ton of bricks. Everything you ignored or did not notice before suddenly is in sharp relief. You notice that he or she is arrogant or selfish. You notice how he or she disrespects family members or never uses proper manners. You notice that he or she blows off friends, trash-talks people behind their backs, or disobeys their bosses at work. You notice that he or she is not courteous to other people or does what he or she wants anyway without caring who could get hurt. You notice how the eye-roll gets a workout when someone to talking to him or her. You notice the loud gum-smacking, the hair-twirling, the nail-picking. You notice all the little quirks or habits that just drive you completely insane. Then, you get to wondering how you _ever _liked this person in the first place because he or she does so much stuff that annoys the crap out of you.

Then, once you reconcile with yourself that you actually liked, even loved, that jerk, that's it. The end. You relegate all your memories of that time to the back of your mind and you don't touch them except for the few times you start reminiscing or that person pops up out of the blue. You write them off as you being in love/crazy/obsessed and not the real you, so they're not that important. Yes, you learned about love and life and whatever, but if it wasn't really you in those memories, what is the point in thinking about them? They can be painful to remember too, so you want to think about them even less than before. Before you know it, it's like your love did not exist at all because neither you nor the other person remember it. No record. Sometimes you're not even sure if everything was real. Maybe you were making some of it up. Love makes you crazy, so that thought isn't too unbelievable.

Love fades. People forget. Sometimes that is a good thing if the love was toxic and unhealthy. Sometimes that isn't a good thing. However, I don't judge your relationships because I didn't have them. It is up to you to decide which it is. Only you can decide if you want to remember them or not.

Author's PS – Reviews welcome!


End file.
